FAITH FAMILY WHITLOW FOOTBALL BUCKS DUCKS AND FRIENDS

4 OUT OF 3 PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE WITH FRACTIONS

Don't take life so seriously. Stress is the enemy. Whitlow is stress free. It is possible to be professional and stress free. Relax let the good tomes roll.

 Whitlow Enterprises EPA Smoke School Visible Emissions Opacity Training and Certification for EPA Title V and State Environmental Air Quality Permits. We are the only experts with over 50 years on the job experience in the real EPA world. Saint Paul Liard and I are retired Louisiana DEQ Air Quality inspectors and I have conducted smoke school since 1984. We have paid our dues. We forgot more than they will ever know. Whitlow is born and bred in West Monroe Louisiana, home of Rebels and the Duck Dynasty. Hey Jack- Fun Stress Free Smoke School. Whitlow Enterprises started with just 2 smoke schools in 2001. The first schools consisted of 40 people who had attended my Louisiana DEQ school every 6 months for 20 years. These individuals convinced the higher up bosses they could save time and money, with my 1/2 day stress free smoke schools for $200, rather than suffer through 3 days of agony trying to pass the 3 day Louisiana DEQ Smoke School, which was free of charge. Time is money. Now we have 100 smoke school locations in 23 states. All locations feature 2 each 1/2 day training sessions, morning and afternoon, so you can train the whole house. Hey Jack- That's good. We will create mew locations if you request one. Schedule an onsite school or new open enrollment. Whitlow is available for on the job training and or safety and environmental audits. We are expert witnesses in any court case. Click here for the truth, at least according to Uncle George Whitlow's personal opinion, about Opacitair, ETA, ESC, Compliance Assurance  and all the other smoke school competitor providers. Links included to all. This little free EPA Method 9 history lesson is like the original movie Miracle on 34st Street.  This ain't Macy's and I ain't Santa Clause, but click, compare, shop, and choose the best smoke school provider for your special needs. I am an old antique and I am a big part of the history of Smoke School, and proud of it.

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"This is no dress rehearsal, we are professionals, and this is the BIG TIME."  WAYLON JENNINGS. We here at Whitlow hope you enjoy our show.

WeAt this very moment in time, we are working with a house full of Louisville Kentucky lawyers to change the interpretation of EPA Method 9 concerning US EPA Subpart DD Standards of Performance for Grain Elevators. All of us who take pride in being professional industrial environmental health and safety specialists have long been aware that many EPA and State environmental regulating agency employees have never been properly trained in EPA Method 9.  This lack of training could cripple the American corn and grain industry. Executive Order 13360  now requires all state and federal agencies to use Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School Nation.  We have already began to establish new Grain Elevator Smoke Schools along the Ohio and Mississippi River. Check out our schedule and  locations, or  request new locations. We can create all of your signs and labels. One stop that is all. Who you gonna call? THINK PINK Why not drop what you are into and pickup the phone right this second. What else are you doing? Pick up that phone and talk in person face to face with 5 of the most beautiful women in the entire universe. Miss World cant hold a candle to  these fine ladies. I am not bragging. Just the facts, Jack.  I am completely surrounded by beauty. Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School Nation really is family owned and operated. Letz see, Beautiful Pamela- my bride, and our lovely daughters-Charming Holly, Amazing Ashley, wonderful Mandy, and last but not least , flowering Amy. All that and all my handsome sons are conducting our smoke schools. Crew 1 consists of the retired Monroe Louisiana fireman John David Wallace and his firehouse brother David Standard, the Standard. David's  daddy Chuck Standard worked for my daddy George Wesley Whitlow, who commanded the Monroe Louisiana Pollice Department from 1946 until 1966. Daddy and Chuck are decorated war heroes, United States Marine Corp Veterans who concured the Japanese Empire in World War Two.  Crew 2 consists of Wild Billy the Kid Alderman, Buffalo Bill Kody-the real McCoy, Saint Paul Laird- me and Paul were DEQ inspectors together for 20 years each until we retired to create Whitlow Smoke School Nation on 9-1-1 September 1, 2001. And that is the rest of the story. Please forgive us for being overqualified to be your Smoke Master Generals.

Who needs smoke school? Search your Title V and air permit online for the words visible emissions, and opacity, and you will find out certification requirements, potential sources, and minimum frequency for opacity reading of smoke and dust. President Georg W Bush Executive Order 13360 requires all state and federal US Agencies to use Service-Disabled Veteran's Small Business. Whitlow is the only smoke school that qualifies. Ask your state environmental department to comply with Executive Order 13360, so you can be certified by the very best that ever was. We care about you, so please take care of us. You are not obligated to attend any particular smoke school, just because your environmental department does. EPA Method 9 is a federally mandated regulation. Whitlow smoke school certificates are valid nationwide. You can take that to the bank, Jack. We do every single day. Thanks for your real hard earned money. We are expanding so please help put our smoke schools in several locations in your state. We don't just issue certificates, we train. Training you can depend on when the chips are down. All things work together for good for those who love the Lord. Hind sight is 20/20. I started my environmental career in 1976 in the United States Air Force as a Bioenvironmental Engineer and now I am the Smoke Master General. Whitlow Smoke School Nation is the only smoke school provider in America who does not concentrate on taking your money, typing your certificate, counting heads, and packing up for their next road trip. We make sure that you are properly trained in the basic fundamentals of football and reading opacity at your plant. We are over qualified and can help you out with any EPA, OSHA, or any problems at all. Whitlow Enterprises was created and is owned and operated by a carpenter, a Sheppard, a good fisherman, and our only savior Jesus, Prince of Peace. On the morning of September 1, 2001, he woke me up at 04:30 and said build it and they will come. If you recall that is 911 the day America was attacked. "Build what," I asked. "A field of dreams, a baseball park, or a cornfield." And his answer as clear as the nose on your face was Smoke School- that is the only thing you have ever done right in your entire life. I created you to be smoke school and I would love for you do it the way that you know that I would do it. Do unto others like you would love them do unto you. Do it right the first time or get out of Dodge.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Years ago in 1983 back when I was a young buck inspector suffering through smoke school, I discovered it was broke. I took the EPA Method 9 certification test and failed it 96 times in 3 days. I got sun stroke, moon bite, poison ivy, and the 7 year itch. Smoke school was broker than a 2 dollar pistol. It want work and you can't fire it. So I fixed it. I could not pass the certification test, so I started giving the Louisiana DEQ smoke school EPA Method 9 Visible Emissions Evaluator training and certification test for DEQ in 1984. I cashed in my chips in 2001 and retired from DEQ to start Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School.  Starting on day one in 1984 all attendees come to say they actually leaned something for the first time and had fun to boot. Imagine that Smoke School is fun.  I just might have a college BS degree in Environmental Science and Social Studies, but that don't mean that I don't have common plain horse sense. AMEN end of Story. Click on the links then scroll down for the rest of the story.

 

 

 

Refer a friend from a new plant or a new company and earn $50 cash

 

Night time smoke school certification

Whitlow Engraving- Labels, Tags, Boat Paddles, anything metal, wood or glass    

Whitlow Enterprises LLC Smoke School Go Shopping On Us at Bass Pro or Walmart

 Environmental Health and Safety Audits  

  Payment Center

Click here for the truth, at least according to Uncle George Whitlow's personal opinion, about Opacit Air, ESC and other smoke school competitor providers. Links included to all. This is like the original movie Miracle on 34st Street.  This ain't Macy's and I ain't Santa Clause, but click, compare, shop, and choose the best smoke school provider for your special needs.

 Jesus Prince of Peace

 Always remember to put God First and all things work  together for good for those who love the Lord. At this time we here at Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School would like for you to enter your comments about our web page, our Whitlow Smoke School Nation smoke schools, or even our excellent Cajun Cooking. You can post your favorite clean jokes. You can give us your personal testimony about your relationship with the The Prince of Peace. I am 66 years young and I am brand new at actually walking with the Lord on a daily basis, although he has kept me in his hands since day one back when I collected $200 for passing geaux. He has restored my soul, cured me of diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure- Hallelujah. Jesus has restored my soul and my health to a 30 year old man. If I'm lying I'm dying. It's right there in your Bible, red letters, first parenthesis.

The Whitlow family and team members of Whitlow Enterprises are not here just to take your hard eared money. Money is filthy lucre necessary to get by in this life. We love you and we need you. We believe in God and we believe God wants us to give you a helping hand, not just when things are going good, but when the chips are down. Our team is very qualified and experienced in EPA and OSHA and we can help you with compliance issues and take the lead out. We love you and we are also concerned about your personal life and spiritual well being. The song goes, nobody loves you when you are down and out. Whenever you need a friend with ears, we are here like a bridge over troubled waters.  Feel free to call or contact us anytime.

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Click here to read others comments about us from our beginning in September 2001

   

And this small grain of mustard seed faith is exactly the reason why I, George Artie Whitlow, the Smoke Master General built it- built the Whitlow Smoke School Nation and you are reading this page, enjoying the music and my infinite wisdom teeth. We built it and you will be coming. See you at Whitlow smoke school. Step up to the plate and let me grab your hand. Many of you veteran smoke readers know smoke school can be very stressful. Inexperienced smoke school providers can make the EPA Method 9 opacity reading visible emissions evaluator test very hard to pass. If you miss one single reading by 4 spaces, then you have to retake the test. People get stressed out, get mad, and clipboards fly. Whitlow Smoke School's goal is to give good instructions, take our time, and make the test simple as possible. We strive for stress reduction to make the testing experience fun and relaxing. We provide stress free smoke school certification. 

Come see at Whitlow Smoke School Nation and you will win prizes. You just might win a Two Dollar Bill. Or if you are really lucky you just might win a genuine Duck Dynasty Duck Call . I can do you one better than that. God is using the Duck Commander family to spread the word about Jesus to China, Russia, and the entire world. Come see me Big George, The Smoke Commander some Sunday Morning or Wednesday afternoon at 6 pm and I will bring you to Whites Ferry Road Church of Christ to attend church with Willie, Si, Miss Kay, Phil and the enrire Duck Dynasty Family.

 

A great big HEY! From the Whitlow Family to you.

 

This is Uncle George and I am the Smoke Commander. Greetings and salutations and the whole 9 yards. The good Lord has really blessed Pamela, our daughters Holly, Ashley, Mandy, our grandson Bryce, me and the rest of the Whitlow Family, friends, and Whitlow employee team  who work hard to serve you for Whitlow Enterprises and Whitlow Smoke School Nation. We want you to come see and pass a good time and feel at home, weather we are on the road again or here in the front yard at our home in the woods in Dixie, just 12 miles south of West Monroe, Louisiana. We are located just 7 woods miles from Phil Robertson's double wide. As you all know Phil is the Buck Commander that you all know from the Duck Dynasty. The Lord has blessed us to no end and I am proud to say the fortune and fame hasn't changed either one of us, not even one iota. The Whitlow family is well known for faith, family, and just blowing smoke.   

George Artie Whitlow

It ain't over until the fat cat sings. We are Whitlow Smoke School Nation. Be well, do good work, and keep in touch. Amen. 

HEY!! Alabama  named a street after me.

 The basic fundamentals of our success- vision, discipline, judgment, commitment, dependability, and accuracy. We strive to be the best that we can be. Whitlow Smoke School is co-owned and operated by me and my lovely bride Pamela and our 3 beautiful daughters Holly, Ashley, and Mandy. Whitlow is based on love, faith, hope, family, and crabs. Hello my name is George Artie Whitlow, AKA Cotton Valley, Smoke Commander, Uncle Earl- and the buck stops here. Pam is the boss and without her and Jesus we would not be here at all.

Our dedicated loyal staff of team players are here for one reason and one reason only. We are here to serve you in the best way possible. We built it and you are coming. We are growing by leaps and bounds because we do it right the first time and take the stress out of smoke school. You would rather be with us then the dentist- I gar-on-tee you will give us the thumbs up on this one. We want to teach you what you need to know about opacity reading and how to pass the certification test the first time so you can go fishing. We bring you plenty of hot coffee, ice cold water, and soft drinks to keep you refreshed. We even cook you a mouthwatering Cajun lunch gumbo or jambalaya, maybe some crawfish pie. We want you to feel like you’re are at home and have some fun. We know that your job is stressful and very dangerous, because we have worked in plants too. My hat goes off to you men and women who keep America working.

Here are the normal things we do that make our competitors try to imitate us:

  1. We do our homework before each smoke school with maintenance and calibration before each test
  2. We set the stage for optimal conditions for reading opacity even on cloudy days- contrasting background and shelter from rain and sun. If we cant find a contrasting background, God helps us create one for you.  You can not even see white smoke with white clouds for a background, much less read the opacity. I have heard my competitor smoke school providers brag," Hell, if they can see the opacity, let them take a wild guess at it. " Now hear this. Whitlow is the only smoke school that creates contrasting backgrounds. WE WANT YOU TO PASS THE EPA METHOD 9  CERTIFICATION TEST.  You make us feel happy that we are doing our job correctly when you pass the test. We do not use the quota system the others brag about in private. They don't feel like the test is good unless half of you fail every time you take the test.
  3. We start your day off with precise instructions on how to read opacity, fill out the forms, and take the visible emissions certification test. Remember this- read the background not the smoke. 25% opacity means 25% of the background is obscured by the smoke. Always read the opacity at the densest part of the plume. In our case, choose an observation point that is 12 inches in diameter the same diameter as our smokestack.
  4. Whitlow gives you plenty practice test opacity plumes to evaluate and we watch you to make sure you are following the correct basic fundamentals of reading opacity.
  5. We present the smoke school visible emissions evaluator certification test following EPA requirements of random opacity plumes from zero to 100%
  6. We focus on low level opacity readings from zero to 50%, most permits call for an average of 20% opacity over a 6 minute period. Some permits limit opacity to zero or 5%. Ray Charles can see 20% opacity. The certification test should not be based on a quota system designed to 50% of you will fail each test. We refuse to jump around like King Kong from 5% to 90% like a datburn yo yo. Absolutely no point in this at all.
  7. After the test we allow you to grade your own test papers. Our staff team grades the papers as well on site. You will know that you passed before you leave. We call out the answers nice and slow.
  8. Each smoke school consists of a morning and afternoon session to allow you to send plenty of employees. Please let us know when you resister if you prefer morning or afternoon.

And besides all that lagniappe, Whitlow Smoke School Nation is the only Smoke School provider in all of history to cook a great Cajun Lunch for all attendees and guests. You never know, we may fire up a real crawfish boil, or maybe some New Orleans red beans, rice, and sausage, or Cajun Gumbo, or Jambalaya, or Cajun fried mouthwatering Louisiana farm raised catfish. Some folks dont know it from Shinola. Now here is a few words of wisdom stolen from John Prime Some Humans Ain't Human Watch the video

 

 

 

Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm

Some humans ain't human
Some people ain't kind
You open up their hearts
And here's what you'll find
A few frozen pizzas
Some ice cubes with hair
A broken Popsicle
You don't want to go there

Some humans ain't human
Though they walk like we do
They live and they breathe
Just to turn the old screw
They screw you when you're sleeping
They try to screw you blind
Some humans ain't human
Some people ain't kind

You might go to church
And sit down in a pew
Those humans who ain't human
Could be sittin' right next to you
They talk about your family
They talk about your clothes
When they don't know their own ass
From their own elbows

Jealousy and stupidity
Don't equal harmony
Jealousy and stupidity
Don't equal harmony

Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm

Have you ever noticed
When you're feeling really good
There's always a pigeon
That'll come shit on your hood

Or you're feeling your freedom
And the world's off your back
Some cowboy from Texas
Starts his own war in Iraq

Some humans ain't human
Some people ain't kind
They lie through their teeth
With their head up their behind
You open up their hearts
And here's what you'll find
Some humans ain't human
Some people ain't kind

Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm
Mmmm Mmmm

 

 

 

 

·       Southern hospitality and friendship      Free fresh donuts, hot coffee, ice cold bottled water and soft drinks

 

Free outdoor Cajun or Southern lunches

Sometimes we may even fry up a mess of catfish. Sometimes we may even cook some shrimp. Shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it. There's shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, pan-fried, deep-fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp. lemon shrimp, pepper shrimp, coconut shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burgers, shrimp sandwich. That's, that's about it.

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And the Good Lord says Thumbs Up Whitlow

Hey meet my lovely Bride Pam. Like my Uncle Si, I am Uncle George, the Smoke Commander, and 5% of every single one of my stories is absolutely true-

You can trust me Jack. Five % of all my stories are absolutely true, sometimes 7%. Nobody handed me this Whitlow Smoke School on a silver platter. I ain't never asked nobody for nuttin Jack. I done it all on my own. I just might have a college degree in environmental and social work but that don't mean I am not a southern gentleman with plain common horse sense. I have made a living driving nails and driving trucks. I have worked in a plant or three. I am not a man afraid of hard work. There might be a little snow on my chimney but that don't mean there ain't no fire in the fireplace.

 

 

Uncle George Whitlow and cousin Waylon Jennings. I sure do miss Waylon.. "This is no dress rehearsal, we are professionals, and this is the BIG TIME."  I guess granny would a been proud of us. We are both famous entertainers and we made it to the big time.

 

While we are on the subject of hard work
I just wanted to tell you that, "I am a man who likes hard work"
I was born working and I worked my way up by hard work
I aint ever got no where, but I got there by hard work

Work of the hardest kind I been down and I been out
I been disgusted I been busted and I couldnt be trusted
I worked my way up and I worked my way down
I been drunk and I been sober, I been baptized and hijacked

Worked my way in jail and I worked my way outta jail
Woke up a lot of mornins, didnt know where I was at
The hardest work I ever done was, when I was tryin
To get myself a worried woman to help ease my worried mind

Im gonna tell ya just how much work I had to do
To get this woman I was tellin you about, I shook hands
With ninety seven of her kinfolk and Her blood relatives
And I done just the same with eighty six people
Who's just her friends and her neighbors

I kissed seventy three babies and put dry pants
On thirty four of em, well as others done this same thing
Well there are a lot of other things just like this
I held one hundred twenty five wild horses
And put saddles and bridles on more than that

Harnessed some of the wildest and craziest teams
In that whole country I rode fourteen loco broncos to a stand still
And I let forty two hound dogs lick me all over seven times
Is bit by hungry dogs and I was chewed all to pieces
By rattlesnakes and water moccasins on two river bottoms

I chopped and carried three hundred fourteen arm loads
Of stove wood, one hundred nine buckets of coal
Carried a gallon of kerosene eighteen miles over the mountains
Got lost, lost a good pair of shoes in a mud hole
And I chopped and weeded forty eight rows of short cotton

Thirteen acres of bad corn, I cut the sticker weeds
Out of eleven back yards, all on account of 'cuz
I wanted to show her that I was a man and I liked to work
I cleaned out nine barn lofts, cranked thirty one cars
All makes and models, pulled three cars out of mud holes
And four or five out of snow drifts

I dug five cisterns of water for some of her friends
Run all kinds of errands, played the fiddle for nine
Church meetins I Joined eleven separate denominations
I joined up and signed up with seven best trade unions
I could find, I paid my wages, a, dues six months in advance

I waded forty eight miles of swamps and six big rivers
Walked across two ranges of mountains and crossed
Three deserts, I got the fever, sun stroke, Malaria, blue
Moonstruck, skeeter bit, poison Ivy and the seven year itch
And the blind staggers, I was give up for less, lost and dead

A couple of times struck by lightning, struck by Congress
Struck by friends and kinfolks Well as by three cars on highways
A lot of times in peoples hen houses, I been hit and run down
Run over and walked on knocked around, Im just sittin here
Now tryin to study up what else I can do to show that women
That I still ain’t afraid of hard work

Now normally I'm a hard working honest man, but now I done stold this here song. Sorry bout that Arlo Guthrie, but I stold your daddy Woody Guthrie's song, Talking Hard Work.

Whitlow Photo Album

It ain't over until the fat cat sings

 

It ain't over until the fat cat sings

smoke school stories and family stories

The eyeballs have jurisdiction. Remember never stare at the smoke. Just a quick glance. I made the mistake of staring at this young lady at the Walmart downtown. I felt a sharp slap on my left cheek and eventually focused into Pamela's baby blue eyes. "Sorry, Pam, I was just thinking about asking her to baby sit for Bella."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Go ahead click one of my eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

Lets go Pilgrim,

we are burning up daylight.                            

 

 

Uncle G Artie Whitlow
 
My Novel A Smoke School Prize worth keeping. 

 

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May God Bless. Be Well. Do Good Work. And stay in touch