Whitlow-Green Enterprises LLC Smoke School    





Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School Photo Album

web counter                                                                            Contact US | Smoke School Schedule
web counter

  Welcome to Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School and EHS Training and Consulting  

Whitlow-Green Enterprises owned and operated by Uncle George Whitlow, from West Monroe, Louisiana, the home of the Duck Commander and The Green Family of Southwest Arkansas.  Whitlow-Green Enterprises specialty is Smoke School, EPA Method 9 certification, opacity training, opacity certification, visible emissions training, and VEO Training. We are not just another smoke school provider. We are here to serve you if you are an industrial plant EHS Coordinator or if you are an EPA, state, or local environmental inspector. Whitlow-Green Enterprises is an equal opportunity training and consulting company. Our accomplished team of retired environmental, health, and safety veterans has over 100 combined years’ experience in the EHS inspection and OSHA fields. Please take a moment to look at our Smoke School Schedule or our Smoke School Locations. Feel free to register for any smoke school on our schedule at any time. We will be there. Whitlow-Green Enterprises is available for open enrollment or private onsite smoke schools for your factory or your company. Our smoke school fees are reasonable and competitive. We know that your EPA Method 9 Certificates are critical, so we strive to issue them within 2 weeks of your training date. Other smoke school providers are just after the money- your almighty dollar. They try to hide the fact that they want mail your certificates until after your invoice is paid. For crying out loud, the EPA smoke school certificates are only valid for 6 months after the certification test date. Whitlow-Green Enterprises is available and willing to negotiate state and federal government contract smoke schools at a reasonable rate- see below for more information. All state and federal environmental inspectors are welcome to attend our smoke schools free, if you are willing to complete an audit of our programs. We have done very well on  hundreds of state and federal audits since 2001. Here is your question of the day. What is opacity? First correct answer wins 10 million ducks. Click here for more. Next question: What division of Whitlow-Green Smoke School shows up when you search Google for emissions? Click here for the answer. Next question: What company shows up top of the list when you search Google for visible emissions? Click here to find us. Whitlow-Green is number ONE in every category and you found us, congratulations. We have been sitting right under your nose since 1976.

Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School Photo Album- Click on the picture and it will greaux and bleaux up. Back arrow at top and it will shrink like my last pair of pants. Each photograph is educational and I will teach you how to read opacity. No charge. EPA does not require the Visible Emissions Classroom. It is only recommended. You can save time and money by ordering Whitlow-Green Enterprises Digital Classroom for your convenience. We are working on a new classroom that we will film on actual job sites. Maybe you can volunteer your factory. Even better, we are available to travel with any federal EPA or State environmental inspector and teach you all you will ever need to know about conducting an environmental inspection  if you allow us to put it on film for our new classroom video. We are old school old timer veteran EHS inspectors. We know the meaning of confidentiality and we have 9 million dollars worth of insurance. I am the Smoke Commander


This is my all time favorite smoke school pitcher. It was taken in the early days 2002 after I moved the business to Washington Indiana to take care of sick family members. The mannequin is our silent EPA Cajun auditor Margeaux Breaux Boudreaux from Breaux Bridge Louisiana. Do you kneaux what I mean, Vern?  Geaux LSU Tigers. Look at the happy smiles on our customer's face. We are having a good time. We always have a good time at Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School.

Jack the family gun shy squirrel dog watching the Whitlow family, and crew along with some happy customers standing by our smoke machine in our front yard at the monthly West Monroe Smoke School where you just might shake hands with the Duck Dynasty Family. The very best place to meet them is at their Son's White's Ferry Road Church of Christ on Wednesday coffee call at 7PM.


When Uncle George was a young buck in 2001 conducting smoke school in beautiful Fayetteville Arkansas. I am still a maintenance man, not a business man. I can't help it. I am still a redneck too. And proud of it.

I am a maintenance man, not a business man. During my 20 year tenure at LDEQ I built over a hundred of these PM10 and high-volume air sampler platforms. I am left handed and they called me lightening. I thought it was because I am very slow in my slow southern drawl talking. I have also been told in the air force that if I was any slower, that I would be walking backwards. The LDEQ boys called me lightening because I was a left handed carpenter who could never hit a nail twice in the same place. All of my sampling sites have over 75 bent pressure treated nails to this very day. The high-volume sampler on the right measures total suspended particles or aerosols from smoke and dust in the atmosphere. We started using the PM10 sampler on the left in the late 1990s after EPA established the Title V air quality permit to control particulate matter less than 10 mm aerodynamic equivalent diameter (PM10). It all fits together like a glove. Only PM10 particles contribute to the opacity of a smokestack plume. These particles can bypass the natural human nose and throat filtering system and enter the lungs. These particles mix in the atmosphere with phytochemicals to form ozone which is also harmful to your health at ground level. We once thought ozone was good for you. Southeast Louisiana is called the Ozone Region because of the ozone contributed by pine trees. I just love the smells from a dense piney woods forest. I live in a piney woods forest with the woman, the kids, the dogs, and me. Why don't you drop by and see us sometimes.

My best friend and Partner James Gipson and I formed a well qualified team to conduct smoke school and perform maintenance for LDEQ Air Quality Analysis Section. Over the years that flew by, we created the LDEQ Ambient Air Monitoring Site Network. This is the portable building that we installed in Monroe Louisiana. The job was extremely difficult and sometimes very dangerous, but we loved it. We pulled the buildings onto the sight with a rented trailer. One of us would drag the building off the trailer carefully, and the other would lay under the building and set up the supporting building blocks. One slight error and guess what? You would be crushed. Then we used a gas augur and installed the utility pole and ran the electricity. Then we installed 2 room air conditioners and wall heaters that were regulated by an Acustat thermostat to 78 degrees year round. Then we carefully cut a hole in the tin roof and installed the blown glass air sampling funnel and tubing that you can see coming out of the roof. Once we established the sampling lines, we installed all of the 6 common air criteria pollutant samplers. Then we finished up by installing an anemometer to measure wind direction. Air quality inspectors can sit at their desk computer and constantly observe data from the samplers and the anemometer to pinpoint the exact source of any upset conditions within 8 hours. EPA has established these monitoring networks in every state in the USA. You can run, but you can't hide. Trust me, you should follow the correct procedure to report any upset conditions, before the inspectors go to all the trouble to find you. The fines, penalties, legal services, and negative publicity are very costly. Perhaps the EPA or your state environmental department has issued your company a compliance order to set up one or more of the  6 common air criteria pollutant samplers. If so then don't hesitate to contact us, because I could do this job blind folded. You will be in great hands.Billy Almond, our crew chief for our northern regional area, also has 6 years experience in setting up and maintaining portable buildings. We are available for a sole source government contract to move, set up, and maintain your air quality analysis sampling network.


EPA Method 9 clearly states that you must have a contrasting background color to see white smoke and read the opacity of white smoke. You can not possibly read white smoke with white clouds in the background. We try to set up with green trees in the background. When I was a young buck LDEQ inspector I stayed in the office and caught up on my reports if it was forecast to be cloudy. On smoke school days, you just do not have the luxury to pick and choose. All of the other smoke school providers just let you suffer and play a guessing game. Not Whitlow-Green Enterprise, we don't play that game. We create a contrasting background. We make certain that you have a visible emissions observation position correctly with the sun to your back and the winds blowing perpendicular to you line of view. This was an open enrolment on-site smoke school in Mobile Alabama. We hung a tarp on the railing on the second floor. In the next picture, the plant brought out a large fork lift to hold the tarp up 17 feet high so their employees could read the white plume opacity and pass the test the very first time. Whitlow-Green also chooses school locations with a picnic shelter so you don't get rained on and your ink want wash off the paper by the rain. Smoke school ain't worth dying of pneumonia or heat stroke. We bring plenty bottles of water and soft drinks to keep you hydrated.



You will see this image on front of Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke Machines. I once was best friends for 20 years with the late Thomas Rose, the founder of ETA Smoke School. LDEQ paid Tom $10,000 a year to conduct my semiannual LDEQ Smoke School classroom. I know so much about smoke school because I attended his 8 hour classroom twice a year for 20 years. Tom's son owns ETA now and he is an artist. Tom Junior attended one of my smoke schools in Baton Rouge and gave me this painting he made, which is a caricature of me. It did not take him long to figure me out as a very laid back southern gentleman

I learned by example- not just by words from my Daddy, but by the examples that he set for me by the way he loved and lived his entire life. Second from right is my Daddy, Major George Wesley Whitlow from a little place called Hope in lower Arkansas. These were Daddy's best friends and brothers and he was their Major on the Monroe Louisiana Police Department. They all would have died for each other. They had each others back. Daddy was the Major in charge of traffic for Monroe Louisiana Police Dept. He was the Traffic Commander. I am the Smoke Commander. We give it all 110% effort. A quitter never wins and a winner never quits. Neither my daddy nor me have ever quit anything in our life. He said build it and they will come. I built smoke school and you are still coming by the hundreds. Thank the Good Lord and thank you all. We are as dependable as the day is long. I have become my Daddy. Daddy was a traveling instructor for LSU Law Enforcement Institute. I am a traveling instructor for the service of the United States Environmental Protection Agency. You can bank on Whitlow-Green. The next picture is Daddy on his 3 wheeler Harley Davidson Police motor cycle. We were poor back then right after Daddy got out of the Marines after World War 2. We could not afford the luxury of a car. Daddy toted us around in the box on the back of his 3 wheeler. This is where my kid brother Ricky and I rode to see Santa Clause at the parade end at Howard Griffin Land of Toys.

For several years we conducted an open smoke school for Campbell's Soup in Napoleon Ohio. The EHS coordinator created this picture for me. Our friends come to Whitlow-Green Smoke School to eat and pass a good time.

 The Alabama sun setting between our collapsed smoke school machine smokestack and our tool box. This is a private smoke school location. We love to conduct on-site smoke schools, weather open or private. We are here to serve. Click here for more information or give us a call 318-361-2355 and I am certain you will be completely satisfied. This was at a gas processing plant where they read the opacity of smoking flares, which previously fell just into EPA Method 22. Don't you just admire God's art work creating beautiful sunsets for our enjoyment. There were 365 sunsets last year. How many did you enjoy? Did you remember to stop and smell the roses?

Whitlow-Green always searches for quiet peaceful locations for smoke school, like here at Lake Bistineau State Park near my momma Miss Johnnie's home town of Minden Louisiana. Back when I was a young buck we always had our Whitlow family reunions here, camped out in the rustic cabins. Daddy and our little league baseball teams came here every summer for camp outs. Whitlow-Green holds our Minden Smoke School here in this quiet park. When it is raining, you can sit under the porch and take the EPA Method 9 Certification test and stay dry.


 This is the community dining room where we held our family reunions. We swam in the pool at the edge of the campground. My momma was an Olympic diver. Daddy was a football, and baseball coach and a football umpire. This is where we hold the Minden Smoke School classroom and gumbo feast. We are always searching for a park like this for smoke school. Email us smokeschool@yahoo.com subject good smoke school location near me.


 In the early years of my environmental career we used pocket Ringlemann Smoke Charts that were numbered from 1 to 5. You look through the top clear window at a smoke plume and matched it to the bottom corresponding window. The old regulations were more concerned with aesthetics. The black smoke did not look very pleasing on the horizon.. The Ringlemann Chart only worked on black smoke. EPA conducted microscope examinations of black smoke, white smoke, and dust and they determined that all particles behaved the same. All of these airborne particles contribute to breathing problems, ozone, and so called climate change. They once called it global warming. You frequently hear the weatherman say we had record warm or record cold temperatures today. What they don't tell you is that the record was set in 1934. Therefore EPA created smoke school in 1976. I met the man who created the first smoke machine and the first smoke school. He worked for the City of Saint Louis and created the smoke machine to monitor tail pipe exhaust of 18 wheelers traveling on Interstate 55. Even way back then in BC (before computers), the government realized that the vast majority of air pollution comes form vehicle traffic, and not from power plants, chemical plants, and other industrial factories. He looked at my smoke machine at the campground we were using in South Louisiana and said not much has changed since he designed it. EPA created the opacity theory that related to the old Ringlemann chart. The old regulations said that no one could create smoke any darker than Number 1 on the Ringlemann chart. The new regulations basically limits opacity to 20% over a 6 minute average, when using a stopwatch to observe the plume once every 15 seconds. Each Title V air quality permit is very specific on visible emissions opacity sources, allowable levels of opacity, and the frequency of how often you are required to read the opacity. Unfortunately these permits are written in a legal flare and are difficult to understand, even for a veteran inspector like me. I saw several competitor smoke school websites that brag that they do not interpret your permit. How can they possibly train you? You get what you pay for. Whitlow-Green Enterprises will be happy to explain your permit at no charge. Just call us. These pocket charts are extremely accurate for reading black smoke, therefore we offer them at a reasonable price. Click here to order a pocket Ringlemann Smoke Chart.

Common Opacity Visible Emissions Sources and Whitlow-Green Smoke School Education about reading opacity, follow my veteran LDEQ inspector advice and you cannot go wrong:

These are called attached steam or water vapor plums, because they are touching and attached to the smokestack. As the steam rises, it cools off and the water vapor evaporates. You have to be patient and read the opacity after all of the steam evaporates. If you follow these simple procedures your opacity should not exceed 10% particulate matter. All of the rest is water. If your opacity is close to 10% then something broke. Fix it and then read the opacity again. Remember that we have multiple smokestacks. The plumes will mix and it will be very difficult to document a violation, because you must isolate one plume at a time. However you can document that the overall combined opacity is below your permit. We recommend that you read the opacity every day and keep a log book of all opacity readings and all maintenance. If the steam is not touching the smokestack, then it is called detached. You can read the opacity before the steam starts or after it ends. The opacity will be the same.

This is a grain elevator. There are several visible emissions sources in this picture. The conveyor belt is a source of fugitive emissions dust. These belts should be enclosed. This calls for EPA Method 22. You will see a bag house vent. This calls for EPA Method 9 and you should read the opacity across the narrowest side of the bag house vent. The tuck loading area should be as enclosed as possible and falls into EPA Method 22 and EPA Method 9. You want to read the opacity of the dust that is actually being emitted into the atmosphere. There will be an airborne plume and you read the opacity at the densest part of this plume. You need to allow about 100 feet for most of the dust to settle back in the road. The same is true for a barge loading area. Barge gain dust that falls into the river is feeding catfish and not polluting the air. Please buy some common horse since.

This is a smoking gas flare, that for safety reasons burns off excess waste gas. If everything is working properly, there should be no smoke at all. The smoke is usually so intermittent that it is extremely difficult to record a violation. Fix the flare if it is broken. Report upset conditions to your environmental department before some one else does. This falls into both EPA Method 22 and EPA Method 9 and you read the opacity at the densest part of the plume, usually the tip of the flare. The remainder of lingering smoke cannot be regulated. I remember one of my first inspections at LDEQ in 1983. The plant manager said he could stop the flare from smoking. I said, Do it. The manager got on his warlike talkie and a fellow came along on a mule. We drove about a mile from the plant. The plant manager warned me that when he told the operator to shut off the flair, there would be a loud explosion. I said, Let it smoke.

This is road dust. EPA has very specific procedures for reading the opacity of road dust. The procedure calls for a time frequency after the wheels pass by. This falls into EPA Method 22 and EPA Method 9. It is difficult to control blowing dust. You need to keep the dust from blowing off of your property. You can do a Method 22 at the property line. Many plants have purchased adjacent property. Not a bad ideal. Pavement sweepers and water trucks help a lot. Avoid allowing the wet dirt to get onto a public roadway. Lawsuit city.

This water truck is the best control measure for road dust.

The cyclone system is designed to capture the saw dust before it reaches the breathing zone of your employees. The system sucks the saw dust into the cyclone where it spins around and around inside the walls. Most of the dust settles at the bottom and you can sell it. There are filters and vents at the top. You read the opacity across the narrowest side of the vent. Back in the late 1970s when I was a young buck in the USAF Bioenvironmental Engineer we had to design these systems to meet OSHA requirements.

This is an air curtain incinerator for burning waste timber when clearing land for construction. The entire staff of New York City EPA flew down to our piney woods home way down here in West Monroe Louisiana to take Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School EPA Method 9 field-training and classroom, so they could meet New York City stringent requirement for zero opacity of smoke from cleaning up debris from Hurricane Sandy. While they were here they met and shook hands with the Duck Dynasty crew. The NYC EPA lit the fire in the air curtain incinerator and it burned for 4 months. They observed the plume opacity every 30 minutes around the clock. If you follow the manufacture's operating instructions, there will be some smoke initially until the temperature stabilizes, then no smoke at all. You read the opacity across the narrowest side of the hole in the ground. Back in my very early days at Neville High School, the class of 1966, my best friend and sidekick was a hilarious fallow named Bobby Bentz. He drove around in a Mercades Bense and an old US Army World War 2 Half Track convertible. Bobby would lay on the floor and work the gas and brake pedals and I would stand up in the driver's seat and control the steering wheel. I looked 18 feet tall cruising through Hoppers Drive In Restaurant on Louisville Ave in Monroe Louisiana, for all the girls to see. During the summer we got a job at his daddy's construction company, Bentz and Elmore. Bobby's daddy was named Robert Edward Bentz but we laughingly called him The Old Man or the Hawk, because he watched us like a chicken hawk. You would to, trust me. On the job, sometimes when the Forman was looking, we would actually work. Most of the time the Forman was napping in his air conditioned white picking up truck in the hot blazing dog days of summer Louisiana humidity.  While the Forman was napping Bobby and I took turns napping in the shade while the other stood watch in the tree above. Hawk Eye would a been well pleased. I am sure. Bentz and Elmore's contract with Selman Field Monroe Airport, called for us to cut the good timber for logs and pile it up for the log trucks. Then we used the bull dozer to pile up the trash timber and burn it. We hauled in hundreds of 5 gallon buckets of diesel fuel and millions of old tires. Then we set the woods ablaze. You could see black smoke clear to Shreveport and Dallas.  We were he boys from Camp Kookamunga and when we saw the girls, then we set the woods ablaze.

This is a rock quarry where they make little rocks out of big rocks. "Do you know how to get to Little Rock."  "I don't know, but there is a big rock just down the road." You should come to our Little Rock Smoke School. or our North Little Rock Smoke School. You will become friends with the Arkansas DEQ. They are nice folks. They are my friends. Whitlow-Green Enterprises has been training Arkansas DEQ since 2002. My Daddy, like Bill Clinton, was born in a little place called Hope. Hope is in lower Arkansas. We also conduct EPA Smoke School in El Dorado, Texarkana, Fort Smith, and Osceola. We also have several private smoke schools in Arkansas. They call Arkansas the Nature State. Wouldn't you love to have Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke Schools near your home. Link to Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School on your Facebook page and the Facebook pages of your EPA and state environmental department. If you are a rock quarry, then you need to get 20 people EPA Method 9 Certified and you need an onsite smoke school. We will do some OJT to teach you how to read the 100 sources of visible emissions at your plant. It is that complicated, I garontee. You have to read the opacity of each airborne plume and at least attempt to isolate one source form another. The sources include: transfer points from conveyer to conveyer, dust falling onto dust piles, truck loading areas, and explosion dust. Then you have your every day constant road dust. I hope that you are smart enough to wear protective clothing, dust mask, ear plugs, and a smile. It is dangerous very hard work, but somebody has to do it. Pick up the phone and call us sometimes. One Virginia rock quarry hired us for OJT and I observed a quarry explosion to excavate the rocks. The opacity was clearly 100% and I asked him why the EPA put up with it. He answered that they have warning signs saying EXPLOSIONS!

This is a coal fired electrical power generating plant. I am so sorry and I think it is so ridiculous that EPA is striving to close down the coal fired power industry and put thousands of coal miners on welfare. Climate change is a natural earth cycle because record temperatures were set in 1934. Everyone with common horse since knows that the to most common cause of so called climate change is vehicle traffic. Just try to regulate and tamper with traffic jambs. The government should concentrate their efforts on forced car pooling, mass transportation, traffic circles instead of red lights, the old but hidden invention of cars and trucks with real fuel economy, and less emissions. My favorite hippie singer, Neal Young

Meet my neighbors, the Duck Dynasty Family.

This is a lime truck dropping lime to stabilize the soil for agriculture, road construction, and parking lot construction. This was one of my chief complaints over the toll free telephone complaint system at LDEQ. Some of the lime actually made it to the ground. Most of it was blown into the atmosphere, usually in some rich guy's neighborhood. It will strip the paint right off of your new truck. I once owned 15 acres of prime hunting land north of Baton Rouge near a town called Slaughter. We called it Redwood Creek Blueberry Farm.  We had a pick your own blueberry farm there, which was a tax deduction for my deer camp and quail hunting camp. The guy down the road leased his 80 acres to a local corn farmer. Before that there were hundreds of Bob White Quail everywhere you looked. I invited the plant managers to go quail hunting with my dog Phideaux. I discoved a mountain of lime on the south end of the corn field. Within 12 months every single quail was dead. Then there were none. The lime softened the quail eggs. I wish it would kill fire ants. I highly recommend that you abandon the use of lime trucks because they cannot possibly do much good. The lime blows away. You would use EPA Method 22 for this. Try to keep the lime from blowing on other people's property. Over the years I have told some great quail hunting stories. So has my good friend the late Jerry Clower. Here is Jerry's story of Bird Hunting. Like me, Jerry started out as a humble seed salesman in Route 4, Liberty Mississippi. Now we are great story tellers. Here are some of the stories that I have written since I discovered the internet in 1998. Like my cousin Jerry, I will be very happy to stand up to entertain your guests at any function. Just let me know. Email smokeschool@yahoo.com subject Uncle George for guest speaker. Over the past few years I have attempted to walk closer to the Good Lord. I have done a lot of stupid ignorant things in my life and made a lot of people not like me at all. I promised that if I could have a closer walk with Jesus, that I would make up for all the bad things by conducting a random act of kindness every day. For the most part it wasn't much and took little effort. I did little minor things like pay for an older couples lunch, wash someone's car while they were working and didn't know it, or maybe help a blind man across the street. The greatest act of random kindness that I ever had the privilege of being a small part of started back in 1998 when I wrote an internet story that Got Kawatta Bosby out of Angola Prison 10 years after being sentenced to life in prison for a murder that he did not commit. That was the greatest good deed that I have ever done. The public defendant and the district attorney of Baton Rouge read my story and agreed that I was correct. Still it took them 5 more years to admit their mistake. 

This is an animal rendering plant. LDEQ gets numerous complaints about rendering plants. Smoke school comes into play when they use an incinerator to burn waste. You use EPA Method 9 and read the opacity at the densest part of the airborne plume. The complaints were always odor complaints, but the smell did not come from the incinerator. The smell comes from the blood washing into the oxidation pond. The same is true for dairy farms and sour milk. Most of the odor associated with paper and pulp mills also comes form runoff water.

This is a digital camera. EPA now requires digital monitoring for opacity for all hazardous air pollutants. Watch it buster or you will spend millions for something you can get at Wal-Mart. Call Whitlow-Green Enterprises first and we will come out and evaluate your situation. In my personal opinion Digital Opacity may make smoke school obsolete.

You have discovered the number one source for air pollution and so called climate change in the world. Did you notice the traffic in Pairs during the Climate Change Convention? It is past time to start thinking about things like car pooling, busses, and mass fast passenger train service. 

The Smoke Commander is still a common man. I have a common van. My favorite car is my luxury car, a 1984 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham. Like my partner Johnny Cash, I got it one piece at a time and it didn't cost me a dime. You might say I got it straight from the factory. I purchased this vintage luxury car for only $10,000 from a retired USAF Master Sargent from Barksdale AFB in Bossier City. The Cadillac only had 30,000 miles on it the first sergeant had a staff car. He said he only used his vintage car to go to Las Vegas now and again. He parked it in a garage, like I still do, some 150,000 miles later. I have had very few maintenance problems. I hit a 13 point buck on the home from our Hot Springs Arkansas Smoke School and it just busted out the headlights on the passenger side. Then the deer jumped up, showed a white flag and there he was, Gone. They don't make em like they used too. That's for sure, for sure. There are layers of welding rebar between the grill and the radiator. Now a days vehicles are made for gas mileage and pollution control, more for pollution control. Some to slow down OPEC. The modern vehicles are too small for a fat man like me and they are made of plastic and used Falstaff Beer Cans.

That was a Cadillac, this is a cataract. You earn these by not wearing g eye protection at work or play. Over the pat 6 months I had both of mine surgically removed. My optometrist Hike Humble said that I can see 20/20 for the first time in  20 years.

This is called ear protection. You wear this at work or play if the noise is so loud, that you can't carry on a conversation with your coworker standing close to you.

These are called hearing aids. Mine, top left, cost $5,000 and way back in 1976, I became a  Hearing Conservationist in the US Air Force. Before that, nobody ever warned me that noise from industrial plants and machine guns triggered hearing loss. Too bad your ears don't bleed when you are destroying them inch by inch. I hate hearing aids with a passion. I have owned them for 30 years. I refuse the wear them unless Miss Pam complains about the volume on the TV. I will be willing to help you with your hearing conservation program. I am available for public speaking or to conduct hazardous noise programs. I can even assist you with your hearing conservation hazardous noise programs. We can do labeling. Pick up the phone and call Whitlow-Green Enterprises rat now. HUH!

I also love my LSU racing truck, the 1984 Chevrolet Picking up truck. See the USA in your Chevrolet. I purchased this Chevy almost brand new form my pal Larry Cobb who does a great Job at his Cobb's Custom Trucks in Monroe Louisiana. Larry installs the camper shells and sliding bed rails on all of our fleet of Whitlow-Green Smoke School pickup trucks. He also restores popular models of vintage cars and trucks, like the 1966 GTO. Larry said that he usually clears $1,000 profit by selling his cars on EBAY all over the world.

Uncle G Artie Whitlow The Smoke Commander and Smoke Master General, just another old cowboy hippie redneck and thank you, I am proud of it. My momma and daddy would be proud of me now. I learned from their examples.


As star quarterback and Duck Commander, Phil Robertson says. When you come to Whitlow-Green, now your cooking with peanut oil.


This is the only novel that I have written. It is based on real people in my wonderful creative laid back southern childhood growing up pitching baseball on my daddy's Monroe Police Little League State Championship Team.  The novel is also about hunting and fishing in North Louisiana, out in the woods where you feel closer to God. I took this pitcher on my momma's back porch on Woolen Lake in Hebert Louisiana, where the bass and perch are always biting. There are always plenty of camps for sale on the lakes and rivers near Hebert. Fishing is wonderful right from your porch. I removed a couple of boards from momma's porch so I could drop a line in the gap and pull in the white perch crappie that often weighed 2 pounds. I caught a bass once that weighed a whopping 13 pounds on a shiner while i was napping in the bottom of my leaking aluminum John Boat. The duck and deer hunting is great. Hebert is located in the middle of the main duck flight path down in the fertile Mississippi Delta from Stuttgart Arkansas to South America.  Like me, my novel is best if you read it slow on your deer stand. Read it out loud with a slow southern drawl. To order my novel on line, just click on the book cover and then type in G Artie Whitlow. You may just win an autographed copy at Whitlow-Green Smoke School.

Thanks for stopping by. Back to the home page of Whitlow-Green Enterprises Smoke School and EHS Training and Consulting.