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Stories that will make you laugh and cry- from Uncle George- an old hippie

Worried About Dying

Another Whitlow Smoke School Story

“I am getting to the point in my life that some of my greatest memories never actually happened at all.” a quote from Mark Twain. In the mornings it takes longer and longer to cough up the crud in my lungs from all the cigarettes that I have smoked these 58 years. I figure the damage is already done, so why bother to quit now, even if I could; which I can’t. I tried several times. I feel strong pains from time to time somewhere from my back to my chest. Could be my heart- not too sure, and don’t want to know. I have had this bladder cancer and for now it seems to be gone. There is this lump in my left arm. I am left handed and I don’t know what to do about it. I think I would rather be dead than one-armed. The lump has been there 15 years. At first, and for many years it just hurt like hell if I pressed on it. It was a lot smaller- about the size of a dime. Now it is about 2 inches wide and it sticks out. It hurts now all of the time. My entire lower arm hurts. Don’t know what it is and don’t want to find out.

While conducting smoke school every 6 months for 30 years I have met a lot of people on the road. My Alzheimer’s seems to be kicking in. I remember the faces or the names but I can’t put them both together, although I do love being with all of them.  One of the great things about having Alzheimer’s is that you can hide your own Easter eggs.  Many of you really stick out and I think about you all of the time. One such person in Crossett Arkansas really became a friend that I looked forward to seeing every 6 months. He ran the RV Park where we conducted smoke school. Joe was one of the most likable rednecks that I have ever met. We laughed and told great stories and really enjoyed each others company. He lived in an old house trailer that the city let him keep parked in the woods in the RV Park. It was the first thing you saw when you saw when you came through the gate.

Joe had a really nice boat and he promised to take me fishing one day. But we never were working in town long enough or it was raining, or it was too hot, or too cold. We never made that fishing trip. Joe and his wife raised the best tomatoes I ever ate. They were big and red and they had that good taste with a bite that I love. Ain’t nothing in the world better than home grown tomatoes-except for maybe fresh picked sweet corn! Every year in the spring when we came there for smoke school, he gave me several large bags of tomatoes that she kept on the porch for everyone to see.

Angie and I were in California for EPA smoke school provider training during the last Crossett smoke school and I missed it and I missed seeing Joe. Paul Laird took over the school for me. Paul told me that Joe had died the week after the last smoke school six months ago. He had a massive heart attack and it killed me to think of Joe in the graveyard dead. The news really saddened me. I will really miss Joe. The news scared me. It made me stop and think about the pains. Well, you can’t live forever. That is what my momma always used to say.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus and that he died for our sins. I have faith in Jesus that he can save me from hell. What is the difference between a northern Baptist and a southern Baptist? A northern Baptist says, “There ain’t no hell,” and a southern Baptist says, “To hell there ain’t.” The trouble is that I have a long list of sins and I just don’t care to get back in the routine of going to church 3 days a week like I used to. I guess I should start going.

Many years ago back in the early 70’s I wanted to be a preacher in the Assembly of God church, speak in tongues and lay hands on the sick and pray that they be made well.  The preacher let me preach several times and I think I was pretty good at it. I think it was my calling. The trouble is like old Job, the Devil wanted to pick on me. I went through a nasty divorce and my family and my life fell apart at the seams, like a nickel watch.  I felt like a hypocrite. I could not stand up there at the pulpit and tell you how much better God can make your life, when my life fell apart. So I just walked away- but I never stopped believing.

Somehow through the years of tears and pain and suffering, it seems that God hasn’t forgotten nor forsaken me. I can clearly see his input in leading me to this life of smoke school. I can look back when I write a resume' and see where he added it all up to lead me to this point in my life. It all comes together and I am on the road exactly where I am supposed to be. I have been blessed to do some preaching after all when I have that microphone in my hand at smoke school. Most of you put up with it. Maybe I have done some good in this old world. I hope I have influenced some of your lives to make you be a better person or to have a little faith, like a mustard seed. I had a little mustard seed faith 6 years ago when I quit my nice and safe state job to start this business. Thanks to you 3,000 customer companies and friends who keep coming back every 6 months and thanks to the good Lord, it seems to be working.

But sometimes early in the morning like this morning I wake up and can’t get back to sleep. Sometimes I roll over and touch Angie, hold her, feel her hair. Sometimes I pray. And sometimes I come here to this computer and pour out my thoughts. I am not sure if you listen, not sure if you care. Not sure if some of you will delete me.

I am not 100% sure if there is a hell. I sure hope there is not one and I hope I never go there. I met the coroner that responded to the airplane crash in New Orleans several years ago. It was the crash of PanAm Flight 759.  The weather was bad. The plane lifted off but failed to reach altitude because of the advancing cold front, high winds, and severe rain. The plane crashed into five houses on the ground, killing 6 people on the ground and all 154 passengers and crewmembers.  The coroner told me that  they gathered pieces of bodies, smaller than a fist, and put them on tarps. He said he tried to put enough pieces together to make up a body. Identification was impossible for several. The experience changed his life. He said that he had seen a lot of people dead and dying. He said that he had felt the sprit leave the body on occasions. Do you know why they have trouble identifying rednecks? There ain't no dental records and all of the DNA is the same.

I sure miss my momma and daddy. One day they are there and the next day they are not. They are just gone. Sometimes I drive over to Woolen Lake in Hebert Louisiana and pass by momma’s old house and the house down the road where we used to live when I was growing up. I almost think I can see my momma, my daddy, my brother and me out fishing in the boat, having fun like we always did catching white perch and laughing. I think I can smell the smoke from the campfire we always had in the backyard.

Woolen Lake Hebert Louisiana- Momma's back yard

Sometimes I drive over to Minden Louisiana where they are buried side by side with the tombstone they picked out with the heart and the arrow with JW + GW carved on it. I cry and I talk to them. I tell them about my family, my life and smoke school. When you are dead, you are just gone, except for the memories. They will always live on in my mind.

I am thankful to the good Lord for my life, my family, and for all of you. You have all blessed me. You have all inspired me. I regret that I have been married four times. It is almost like dying when you leave your wife and the children you helped raise. I guess it has to be my fault that I keep getting divorced. I raised four children from four different mothers. What ever happened to the days like my momma and daddy had. Stick it out through thick and thin. Together forever till death do us part.

Angie is a fine woman and wife. I have a lot of respect for her. She seems to love me better than I have ever been loved. We have lived together for a year and a half. She tells me she loves me all of the time and she tells me that I am a good person. She touches me a lot so I want feel so all alone. She holds my hand and she listens to all of my jokes and stories. She laughs easily and heartily. She reminds me of Rosanne Bar with her laugh. Angie massages lotion on my diabetic feet and she puts my socks on. That is a big help when you are as fat as a pig like I am. She calls me often when I am on the road and she makes me feel wanted.

Aaron is a good son. He is 11 now. He loves to hunt and shoot my 30- 06 and my 357 and his 20 gauge. He is good company and he makes me laugh. Unlike me, he is real smart. He makes straight A’s in school. I can truly say that I love Angie and Aaron and that I am thankful for them.

I worry about my daughter, Heather and my grandbaby Keyda. Heather witnessed the last few years of the fury in the breakup and the divorce with her momma. She saw the worst side of me. I am sure that this influenced her decision to stay in Indiana with her momma. I miss her so much it hurts. I wish she would forgive me and move down here to Louisiana. We have plenty of room here in the large house for her, the baby, and Nathan. I sure would love to spend the rest of my days close to her. I keep trying to explain that with these health issues, that I can't last forever. I try to describe how much every day that I miss my momma and my daddy.

Heather called yesterday and said they were coming here to stay 6 weeks during the summer. I hope I live long enough to see her again. I remember the day that Bill Wilson from the adoption agency brought her to me 16 years ago during the Christmas season. I remember how it felt to hold her and how proud I felt to show her to the office staff at the Christmas party. I remember all of the joy she brought into my life over the years. I remember the early days when she was a baby; she could not sleep so we went to the Waffle house. I remember all of the Mardi Gras parades and the time we watched Johnny Bravo on cartoon network.

I have done a lot of deer hunting and deer watching over the years. I love to watch deer. I have watched does take care of their yearlings out in the woods. The mother’s job is to see to it that their babies will survive in the woods on their own. The same is true for man. I worry about Heather’s future. I want her to be able to make it in this world and to have a better life then I have. This business is called Whitlow Enterprises. My intentions have always been for Heather to one day own part of this business and to keep the name living. My intentions have always been for the business to out live me. We have a good crew that is dedicated and loyal to the company.

The truth is that Heather lives a lot higher on the hog than I ever did growing up. I grew up on black-eyed peas and cornbread. Heather has tasted the finest steaks. She has spent more money at Wal-Mart in one day, than I earned in a week before smoke school. She is not a good student. I am concerned about her future after I am gone. My desire is for her to move down here and learn how to keep this business going after I am gone. Angie, Aaron, and Heather can share this house as long as it takes until Heather can survive on her own. That is my wish and my prayer. And that is the way it is, friends.

Replies and comments about this story:

I received several email in response to this story. I seems that it did touch some of you. I have posted some of these replies on here.

From Rhemy Leslie- my fine employee working on Crew 2 in Indiana: ( this one mad me cry)

Hi George, your letter has truly touched me.  I believe in miracles and I say that everything happens for a reason.  I like how you can be comical even though you have many physical ailments.  You must realize that you are truly blessed because now you have a wife that loves you dearly and will be there for you in your hard times.  It makes a difference when your in any type of pain and your significant other can be there to console you in your time of need.  I bet your mother is looking down from heaven very proud of her son in all of your accomplishments.  Every time we travel to different schools they are constantly asking about you and how much they miss your jokes.  You are loved and if anything ever happens to you, you will be missed by many.  Just believe in the Lord and he will bless you with many more years.  He is a powerful God and if you ask in faith believing he will answer all your prayers. 

Thank you for blessing my life, Thanks for coming to smoke school. Thanks for reading my stories.

Momma on Mt Nebo Arkansas

Daddy coaching football in Monroe Louisiana

Daddy riding his Harley Davidson for the Monroe Police Dept.

Me and Angie with Margeaux Boudreaux

More smoke school stories.

http://smokeschool.net/softly_and_tenderly.mid